Postpartum feels|PPD (PART III)

Postpartum feels|PPD (PART III)

Let’s pick up where we stopped in Part II

My husband was headed back to the oil rig for work and even though my mother offered me to come to stay with her … in my head, I had everything under control. The first days or so were pretty chill, now I believe the problem that I ran into was I didn’t want to take bubs out and I needed to go grocery shopping. I told myself that I would hold off until the weekend, so that way I could drop him off at my sister’s since she only lives a few minutes away from me, and do my groceries Friday evening.

Continue reading “Postpartum feels|PPD (PART III)”

Postpartum feels|PPD (PART II)

Ba·by blues.
noun

  1. Depression affecting a woman after giving birth; postnatal depression

Before I continue where I left off, let me define what the baby blues are just in case you have never heard of them before. Baby blue occurs when a new mom may experience mood swings. Such as crying for no reason, irritable, restless, anxious, lonely, or very happy and then out of nowhere turns around and is very sad. This phase is only supposed to last for about 1-2 weeks and then anything after that is considered postpartum depression from my understanding.


PPD2

 

After the crying episode, things were okay.  I felt like I was too worried about things I had no control over after the baby. I remember telling myself that for Ashraf’s first doctor’s appointment I would get dressed up. Like brush my hair, do a little makeup and wear something other than PJ’s … guess what hair tied up, no makeup on, and definitely had some PJ’s on. My sister was like so did you get to dress up and I told her I didn’t want to talk about it, lol. I was kind of bummed that I wasn’t able to do that, but I still found the hilarity in it all.

Later on that week, I’m in bed feeding Ashraf and I decide to do a side view picture of my tummy. WHY WASN’T THERE ANYONE THERE TO STOP ME! LOL, so I took the picture and just stared at it crying. I quickly stopped myself though and threw the phone down. I hate that I’m even admitting this because as I have always mentioned to people,  I never had body image issues. I’ve always been an athlete, always doing some type of physical activity. I felt like the same person inside, but there’s always someone reminding you that you are bigger than before. Especially in Nigerian culture, auntie’s love to point out how big you are … smh lol.

A N Y W A Y S …

The next 2 1/2 – 3 weeks were smooth sailing, goodbye baby blues! I was so busy enjoying bubs, that I did even have time to sit and worry about things. I wouldn’t say I got a full 8 hours of sleep, but I did not feel sleep deprived since my husband would help me in the middle of the night and feed Ash. Which was such a blessing! I was taking care of a newborn round the clock and my gosh being able to sleep at least 4 hours was heaven sent.

Things were pretty good. Focusing on baby, patiently waiting to be cleared to workout by my doctor, enjoying my new family of three, and being able to relax was most definitely nice. Then it was time for my husband to go back to work on the oil rig and I was definitely bummed about him leaving because it was so nice to have him around … life felt complete.

When he finally left, I decided that instead of going to my moms that I wanted to stay home because in my head … I had complete control of everything! Like, how hard would it be with just baby and me?

Well, I was about to find out that this motherhood thing was not a piece of cake.

Stay tuned for part 3. 

 

 

 

 

 

Postpartum feels|Postpartum Depression (PART I)

Pos·par·tum De·pres·sion.
noun

  1. depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue

Before I give my view on postpartum depression, remember it is my opinion, and everyone views this topic differently. And yes, postpartum depression is real.
PPD1

 

September 13, 2018, was the day Ashraf was born and I fell in love immediately. I remember once I gave birth to him and they cleaned him off, we had some skin to skin time. They don’t tell you about removing the placenta and getting rid of your blood clots. Man, did I hate that part…I remember screaming in pain and bubs started to cry. My husband says that just what babies do, but I feel it was at that point we bonded…instantly. Once I realized what was happening, I swear I didn’t even feel the pain anymore, C R A Z Y!

Fast forward two days and we are home, sweet home. I wasn’t nervous about going home with my first baby, because I had my husband, mom, and sister there to help me. My best friend came to visit the next day and I was able to get a little piece of normal. The next week was filled with guest in and out, which made me feel warm inside (If you know me, I’m big on family). Bubs continued to steal my heart and I’m in a state of complete bliss, even though I felt like a zombie with the constant feeding.

A couple of days go by and my milk comes in, hello engorgement …which no one talks about either! I was in so much pain, I remember pulling out my phone to google ways to alleviate the pain. First thing I found was to take a hot shower, I remember being in the shower for almost 15 minutes realizing this is something I was just going to have to deal with for the time being. I decided to try other things like pumping, ice packs, and hot towels … still engorged! I remember locking myself in the restroom, turning the shower on, and just crying. And I remember asking myself, why the heck are you crying woman … pull it together. I think this was the start of my baby blues.

Stay tuned for part 2. 
I am breaking this into parts because I want to take my time to share my story and experience with postpartum depression. Don’t want to unload too much at one time :)!

Postpartum feels|Body Image

Postpartum feels|Body Image

 

 

As you look at the three images above, what do you see? I’ll give you a minute.

Now let’s see if you see what I see. I see a young woman who isn’t comfortable in her own skin anymore. A new mom who feels the same inside, but when she looks in the mirror she doesn’t recognize the reflection staring back at her. How many of you can relate?

Can you guess how I got here? I’m sure if you’re a mom then you can definitely relate.

I love my bubs and the joy he has brought into his father and I’s life, but I absolutely hate my postpartum body, so lets get into that!

This past weekend, I was able to get dolled up … even though it took an entire day. As any girl would do, I whipped out my phone and began to take selfies on the snap(chat)! I wouldn’t dare take a full body picture. Hence, why these pictures above are so much more than a simple selfie. They actually speak for themselves … showing how I feel about myself + my body.

We live in a time where social media where  women give birth and have that automatic “snap back” … but that is not my reality. I find myself comparing my body + journey to other new moms that post their perfect progress pictures and training videos making it look effortless.  I’m starting to get impatient, wanting to get back to where I was before baby … but even if I do get to that I still want to lose even more.

I’ve played sports all my life, I am an athlete, and I feel like I have lost all my muscle definition. Everything is just j i g g l y. My belly is flabby and it hangs over my pants, that wasn’t there before I got pregnant! My thighs are big, I mean they’ve always been big, but I didn’t realize how big they could actually get … ha ha ha. My gosh, I was pretty satisfied with my body before I was pregnant!

I am slowly accepting my new body and reminding myself that my body grew a human for 9 months. And that is pretty freaking awesome if you ask me, it’s a blessing. Ashraf is literally more than I could’ve prayed for, so I will continue to remind myself to exercise patience and be kind to this body of mine that brought me my bubs. And most of all thankful for the blessing of a healthy baby boy.

I was a little hesitant about putting myself out there and sharing how I really feel, but hey we all have our insecurities! In my opinion, I feel like it is nice to know that you are not alone and other people go through what you go through as well. Even if it is not the same exact situation. Feel free to share your story with me without feeling judged, we are in this together!

With that being said, I’m getting my life together! I’m going to stop feeling insecure about my new body and do what needs to be done to kick back into that workout life. Stay tuned, I’ll let you know what my plans are for the next month!

L E T’S G E T I T, L E T’ S G O