Postpartum feels|PPD (PART III)

Let’s pick up where we stopped in Part II

My husband was headed back to the oil rig for work and even though my mother offered me to come to stay with her … in my head, I had everything under control. The first days or so were pretty chill, now I believe the problem that I ran into was I didn’t want to take bubs out and I needed to go grocery shopping. I told myself that I would hold off until the weekend, so that way I could drop him off at my sister’s since she only lives a few minutes away from me, and do my groceries Friday evening.

So, I ended up cooking some pasta with broccoli and cheese to last me throughout the week. Mind you these foods are on the list that make infants G A S S Y! This is a recipe that I go to usually and it was the wrong one to turn to.

On Tuesday, I was able to clean up, do all the laundry, relax, and take care of Ashraf with no issues whatsoever. In my head, I was like, this is not hard. Why do women complain!? I was relaxing and enjoying my bubs. Then that night, I began to notice Ashraf being very irritable. He was just looking like he was uncomfortable. I changed his diaper, gave him food, and can’t count how many times I rocked him to sleep. I tried to put him down whenever he slept off and then he picked right back up where we left off.

I eventually got him to sleep that night, but not that long. Mind you, it still wasn’t registering to me that it was the pasta bothering him. Wednesday, was a repeat of how things went the previous night. I was hyped up on coffee and trying to get it together. That night, I was able to get him to sleep around 11 pm. And I kept him on my chest for almost another hour to make sure he was sleeping.

I decided to turn to google for answers as most of us do, because I did not want to have another day like that, the past 3 days were absolutely exhausting. I ended up on Pinterest, where I found a list of gassy foods, and immediately felt horrible. They gave us a list at the hospital and I didn’t even bother to read it. Pasta + broccoli … G A S S Y! G A S S Y! G A S S Y!

(I’ve actually come to find out that pasta and Bubs do not mix well at all.)

I called my sister and asked her if I could drop off Ashraf Thursday morning so that I could get some sleep, and go grocery shopping. She said yes, I must’ve screamed for joy, silently of course. I then decided to lay down and get some shut eye before the boss woke up.

Instead, I curled up underneath the covers and began to cry. Not just a little cry, an ugly cry. I think it went on for a good 30 minutes. I remember my husband calling, I didn’t answer. I pulled myself together, grabbed my phone, and begin pouring out all of my feelings to my doctor through the message portal.

The tears came down faster, heavier than before. I realized I was overwhelmed, exhausted … lol, I low key started panicking. Had to talk myself down, get some sleep, and brave the next day because little man was counting on me. In my head, I knew something was definitely up.


WOW. Did you really just read all of that? Thank you! I know this was long, but this is when I officially realized that I was pushing everything aside, and not dealing with how I was feeling on the inside. It is hard to go back and visit the struggles that I had in the beginning. So stay tuned and in the meantime catch up on my blog :).

 

RELATED POST:

Postpartum feels|PPD (PART II)

Postpartum feels|Postpartum Depression (PART I)

Postpartum feels|Body Image

 

 

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